p a r e n t s a n d c h i l d r e n
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Here you can ask our psychologist for a free advice concerning parenting and raising children. In the field "Title" give a title to your question, so you can easily find the answer which will be posted below this question form. In the field "Question" describe the problem.
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psychologist's answers are given below
The lack of school motivation
My daughter started elementary school this year. She has always been a nice, independent, conscientious and creative child. She began to show interest in ballet very early, so we let her attend a ballet school even before she started elementary school. She attends Spanish language lessons too. After starting elementary school she changed her behavior completely. She is not motivated to perform her school duties, forgets her homework or even shows no intention to start doing homework or to learn at all. What is the reason for such an attitude towards school? I can’t recognize my own child any more! I read some literature related to children and school, but I didn’t find the answer to my problem. What is going on with my daughter?
Psychologist's answer
Forgetting homework tasks and superficiality in the performance of duties is not a characteristic of responsible children with formed habits. As you described your child as a conscientious, independent and showing early interest in ballet, it seems that there isn’t a lack of working habits. Reading your question I got the impression that you are a very ambitious mother. Being an ambitious parent is OK but it is not good if parents have too much ambition concerning their children. Such parents expect of their children more than they can realistically achieve. They impose on their children additional extracurricular activities and a child doesn’t have enough time for regular school obligations, and there is no enough time to socialize and play too. Overburdened child is insecure because it can not accomplish the requirements. The child’s self-confidence drops as well as the motivation for activities that otherwise might be done (for your child it would be school duties). You ask your daughter to be responsible towards school duties because you believe that she was able to do it. I wonder if the regular school duties, Spanish lessons and ballet are too big „bite“ for her? As she loves ballet and started it before school, I guess that she still wants to attend ballet lessons. But does she want to attend Spanish lessons too? School represents a new and great responsibility itself. It requires adjustment boath by the child and parents. It is important that the child adapts itself to the collective, to feel accepted from other children and to successfully overcome the school tasks. At the beginning, a child needs help in doing the homework. It is important not to criticize, and not to get mad if it does something wrong. Try to follow your childs interests, to find out which subjects she is interested in, and if there is some subject that goes harder. Make a schedule of activities together. Be sure to leave her enough time to socialise and play. Parents are advised to see how their child cope with school first, and then to choose additional extracurricular activities, taking into account their child’s wishes too.
Psychologist's answer
Forgetting homework tasks and superficiality in the performance of duties is not a characteristic of responsible children with formed habits. As you described your child as a conscientious, independent and showing early interest in ballet, it seems that there isn’t a lack of working habits. Reading your question I got the impression that you are a very ambitious mother. Being an ambitious parent is OK but it is not good if parents have too much ambition concerning their children. Such parents expect of their children more than they can realistically achieve. They impose on their children additional extracurricular activities and a child doesn’t have enough time for regular school obligations, and there is no enough time to socialize and play too. Overburdened child is insecure because it can not accomplish the requirements. The child’s self-confidence drops as well as the motivation for activities that otherwise might be done (for your child it would be school duties). You ask your daughter to be responsible towards school duties because you believe that she was able to do it. I wonder if the regular school duties, Spanish lessons and ballet are too big „bite“ for her? As she loves ballet and started it before school, I guess that she still wants to attend ballet lessons. But does she want to attend Spanish lessons too? School represents a new and great responsibility itself. It requires adjustment boath by the child and parents. It is important that the child adapts itself to the collective, to feel accepted from other children and to successfully overcome the school tasks. At the beginning, a child needs help in doing the homework. It is important not to criticize, and not to get mad if it does something wrong. Try to follow your childs interests, to find out which subjects she is interested in, and if there is some subject that goes harder. Make a schedule of activities together. Be sure to leave her enough time to socialise and play. Parents are advised to see how their child cope with school first, and then to choose additional extracurricular activities, taking into account their child’s wishes too.
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